Ever get that feeling like you’ve accomplished something really big in your life yet, you still feel empty and still feel like you want more and more and more?
(Hoping you’ve answered yes).
Well, I moved to Madrid a few months ago, pretty cool right?! I had worked my ass off to save all my money to come here. I sold everything I owned, applied for the visa, bought the tickets and, here I am!
I left my land of ice and snow (Canada) and I flew here partially for love, but, mostly for a new beginning. Honestly, I was tired of Canada—yes it’s an amazing and progressive country (well…kind of, they legalized pot which is somewhat progressive, right?), yet, I didn’t feel like I was fitting in with the crowd.
I’ve never wanted to fit in per se, yet, part of me always wanted to be part of something. I’m still not sure what that “something” is but eventually, I'll figure it out.
Anyway, I moved to Madrid! I started working and I’ve met some really nice people from many different countries and even made friends, yeah, this is pretty big for me since I’m very anti-social, don't like people much and kind of awkward but hey, they enjoy my company I guess! I’ve been making a little bit of money and having time to relax and travel around the country which has been fantastic. I've seen some of the nicest beaches and most precious little villages in Spain, it’s truly remarkable.
The best part is that my boyfriend lives in Portugal and every two to three weeks I get to go to Portugal. Think about it, I can travel from one country to the next in less than two hours. Pretty crazy. In Canada, you could only get to the next city while driving for two hours haha!
But in all honesty and negativity aside, Spain has been pretty decent since I’ve moved here. The people, well, they need to learn manners and politeness but once you get past this, they can be, nice. They make great food AND since they enjoy socializing amongst themselves so much, there’s an abundance of bars and clubs to visit. You can visit a new one every day, which, I don’t recommend because you’ll become an alcoholic but, nonetheless, you'll never run out of options.
Besides the great aspects of Madrid’s social life, it’s been kind of lonely here. My boyfriend lives in Portugal so we're apart often, my mom, well, everyone and everything I know is back in Canada. You know, they say you don’t realize what you’ve got til it is gone… and I’m starting to realize that my mom’s burgers on the grill. Well, I fucking miss them, even though I complained about eating them all the time and her annoying complaining about the house being dirty and no one helping her do anything around the house, well, I’d give my left arm to help my mom do the dishes right not. You don’t realize how comfortable your bed is or the air in your home smells delicious until you live 4000 kilometres away from that air. You underestimate this hole in yourself that will grow and grow once you leave familiarity behind. You overestimate how confident you will be when faced with language barriers and different cultures and you definitely don't expect to be stuck in the middle of nowhere knowing no one or nothing around you. You don't expect to feel so lost.
I expected to move here and have my fears and negativity vanish. I was ready to start a new life, a new chapter as they say. HAHA!
I moved here and I felt worst then before. My fears and anxieties became so evident to me it was almost paralyzing. It was as if they acted as a straightjacket and I couldn't Houdini my way out. It was certainly one of the most uncertain moments of my life. I didn't know who I was anymore which, brought on more questions.
Should I be here?
Did I make the right move?
Who am I?
Maybe this was supposed to happen. That somehow, the universe had put this major move, unrooted me from my home and transported me here to make me question myself. Yet, in this transition of which I tried to fight, I discovered that I'm one resilient son of a bitch, that finding yourself can be easy if you break down your walls and be honest with you, that perhaps, learning new languages and eating new food won't kill you and that travelling is the world's most precious way of offering you a better version of yourself.
I know, because I did it.
Here I am, I’m in Madrid.